remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
