you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
