Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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