You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I am available for nakedness
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
