There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We left the knife in your bed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
