brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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