we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
God, I missed his penis.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
