I love having hate sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
