Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
