he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
