I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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