Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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