I just cut my nipple shaving
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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