Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i think i have two assholes
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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