There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
