my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he shaved USA in his pubs
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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