So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you inspire me to be a worse person
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
