why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
