So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We need to get me chipped asap
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
