Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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