Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
