You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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