he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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