Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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