I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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