a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
