I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
