If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
