They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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