Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
