Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
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He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up under a house in Key West
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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