I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
