I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize