theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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