I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
