We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
