Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Are we in a gay sports bar?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
