tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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