youre lurking in front of me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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