Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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