i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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