she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
only if we run a train.
done.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
