i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
