when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
