yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
