STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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