remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He did a backflip because drugs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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