he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
