I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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