My nipple is on Facebook.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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