he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize