I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
