JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
