She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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