I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize