Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
