he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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