nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
