now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
