My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
