There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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