im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
