Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
