:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
