My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
