Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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