so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
