see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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