that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
as a side note pls kill me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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