I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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