Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The best revenge is premature balding
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
