ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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