this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
