I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
