$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just threw up on my dentist
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The adults are the big ones right?
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