some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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