I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
